sense of value

for me, it seems that 2010 is THE year for making some tough life decisions. i made it through the first half by making the tough choice to go to Beijing. I felt that this was God's calling however, so in a way, it wasn't such a difficult choice to make in the end. (As well, I'm writing this in hindsight) now that i've returned, it's life back to normal. Except... it isn't. As a result of my life experience and work experience in Beijing, I've got even more big decisions to make. I have some career choices to make regarding taking the next step in climbing that corporate ladder and become a manager of people. There are two options however, and I need to pick which path i'd like to pursue. it's not one of those easy decisions where one of the options is the more obvious direction to go, and so, i've been trying to make a choice all weekend and i'm still left wondering ... what do i do?

In the midst of all the logical reasoning going on in my head, i have to remind myself a couple of things.

the first is that God is sovereign over my life. Does it really matter which direction i take? I mean, does it really? I apply reasoning to the two options using the information i have available to me right now. But that's the thing -- i only have information up to this point. The future is a complete mystery. If i pick this path, what's the outcome? I don't know. And if i pick the other path, what will the outcome be? I still don't know. This reminds me of those Choose Your Own Adventure books. I can't just flip ahead through the pages of the book and map out what the end path is like, decide if i like it and then select the choice that would get me there. i feel that i must make this decision continuing to trust that all I can see is the few steps in front of me and that God is my lamp and will guide me through this life journey -- and in that way, it's kinda exciting to see how things will lay out! So in that sense, I feel at peace that either choice i make, God is in control.

the second is that, being aware of who i am, I remind myself that my job does not define me and it does (should) not bring about any sense of value or worth. what i do at my career is just simply what i do between 9 and 5. Sure there is a lot of productivity that can happen between those hours of the day, but as a person, my value does not come from being an employee of MS, or what my job title is as an employee of MS or from my achievements in life. My value is defined through the price that Jesus paid for me on the cross and from the fact that i am a child of God. I must always remember this because otherwise, i feel it is far too easy to make choices in life that increase status in society, which in turns somehow means I am a more valuable person.

Ok, with those two things in mind, i still don't have an answer! But i have a certain amount of peace in knowing that whichever path I take, it certainly won't change my value and worth as a person, and that I can trust that God will continue to lead me through life growing me in ways to be more like Christ.