Dear Anonymous

this post is in response to my last post which i published just yesterday and to my dear anonymous reader -- thank you for your comment!

I admit i was vague in my post for a reason -- i truly was not aware that anyone other than a few close friends read my blog and i didn't want to disclose specifics of what i have been working through the past few weeks \ months.

So i should make clear that i wasn't talking about only making friends with other Christians and rejecting anyone who didn't hold the same values as myself. I also don't believe in judging other people for their own value systems, even if they are very different from mine. The point of my previous post was that sometimes people are placed in our lives to test our faith - and not just in Jesus but in what you really believe - and I would think this is true for the believer as well as the non-believer. If you knew you would lose a dear friend over something you believe strongly to be truth, how do you handle this situation? Is there a way to stick to your values while still loving your friend? I do believe this is possible but I would also say that if your friend chooses to reject you because of what you value, then this is out of your own control. This is the situation which caused me to write yesterday's post.

The sad reality (at least in my life) is that sometimes I've had great non-Christian friends who actually reject me (not the other way around) because I've shared with them what I believe to be the truth of the Bible. Sometimes there are conflicts that arise in a friendship because our differences cannot be resolved. Does this mean i love my friend any less? Absolutely not. Does it mean that i start to change what i believe in order to continue to being friends with them? No, i don't think that is necessarily Christ-like either. Otherwise, I would be changing all the time in order to accommodate all my friends and all the different and opposing values they have. Can I be understanding of their values and accept that they live by a different set of values than myself? Sure I can (or at least, i can try!).

Jesus was never shy of speaking truth to the people he preached to and he never compromised speaking truth by watering it down (something i think that churches unfortunately also have a habit of teaching) in order to be "loving". Because of his teachings, he was completely and absolutely rejected and it ultimately led to his death on the cross. Yes, he did make friends with the tax collector and prostitutes but these were people he spoke truth to and they had ears to hear and their hearts were open to receiving it. Jesus spoke truth knowing that there would be some who would listen and then have a response of rejection. When he sent out his twelve disciples, he said, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." Matthew 10:14. While Jesus commanded us to preach the Gospel to the ends of the earth, I'm sure he also had in mind to preach the entire truth of the Gospel -- not just the nice fluffy parts.

My struggle is that because i want to be on right terms with the people in my life, I tend to take on a more cowardly approach and avoid conversations or opportunity to speak truth because I know that the other person would get offended. Some people, i know, will consider that the loving thing to do -- avoid the confrontation and maintain the friendship -- but is it really loving to hide the truth from our dear friends? How often i have made mistakes in my past because none of my friends wanted to put themselves on the line and speak truth in my life, in fear that i would reject their friendship as a result of what they had to say. In retrospect, I've often wished that someone would have warned me or pointed out the folly of my decisions.

Again, i say that I'm human and when a friend rejects me based on my values and faith, I have a tendency to rerun conversations in my mind and wonder if those values were really good ones to have if it cost me a friendship. More often than not, I realize there could have been a better way to handle the situation and that I often made a poor choice of how to speak truth in love along the way. But in the end, I stuck to my values and if what was done cannot be undone and what was said cannot be taken back, i can only pray for my lost friends to extend forgiveness, to accept our differences and then to place them in the perfect loving hands of our Father.