The Stories We Tell Ourselves

The more I talk with people and get to know people past the surfacey level, I realize that everyone has a story they tell themselves. The story enforces how they think, how they react, and how they behave. Sometimes that story may be true but oftentimes it is absolutely false. Here are a couple of examples of some of the stories I've told myself...

I'm a workaholic. I strive to achieve because while growing up, my parents never celebrated my achievements. Whenever I brought the report card home, they would want to know why I only got a 95% in Math. Only. If I finished first place in some competition, they would congratulate themselves for being such good parents to have raised such a talented daughter. So there's a story I begin to tell myself and believe in that I need to work harder, achieve more, be better in order to win the approval of my parents. And as I grow up, I apply this thinking to how other people must view me. I start to work hard, achieve more, and be better in everything I do in order to win the approval of my peers, my coworkers, my friends and my family.

I must be unloveable. I have been in relationships that started off on "cloud nine", feelings and hormones were all over the place, the word "passion" comes to mind. But after a couple of years, all of that seems to disappear. In fact, it seems almost like the other person is bored with me. I must be unloveable. This has happened before. The only common factor is... me. It must be me....

I'm ugly and fat. My family is quick to remind me each time i visit home that I'm ugly and fat - maybe if i dressed like a lady, lost a couple of pounds, maybe that would help me find a husband. Try it, they say. It might help. Really.

So these stories i tell myself shape my thinking and therefore, shape the decisions I made and therefore, shape the actions that I take. If i believe i must work harder to achieve approval from other people, then i have a difficult time saying no to others and as a result I burn out because I just cannot handle that much work. I wasn't designed to work this much. If i believe I am unloveable, i will commit to a relationship and decide to stay in the relationship for fear that i may one day be left alone and rejected. I end up saying yes to things I don't wish to do out of fear that if i say no, I will be abandoned. If i believe I am fat and ugly, I will make certain choices of how much food I will eat, which foods I eat and how much exercise I get.

The fact is that the stories we tell ourselves as a result of life happening to us, is often false. In the examples above, here is the TRUE story:

Now that i'm an adult, I find my parents expressing how proud they are of me to their friends and relatives. They tell me that they have always hoped for the best for me and they are now seeing how much I have grown and become a mature woman. The job success is not the point. The point is that they wanted be to be all i could be without settling for less. Maybe they could have expressed it differently. But maybe i could have read the story differently too.

I am loveable! Relationships don't always succeed and last forever. But it does not mean that all have to be this way. If your spouse or partner is having a tough time expressing their love and care for you, it is somthing to be worked on together. And honestly, how many REAL LIFE relationships actually stay on cloud nine forever? Ultimately, my God is wildly in love with me. He pursues me even when i turn away from Him and never abandons me. Even if all people were to reject me, I am not alone and definitely not unloveable.

I'm a beautiful woman of God. Captivating even ;). You can see how much family influences how I think about myself - is it the same for you? My family does want the best for me. For my mom, of course it means she wants to see me married. And of course it's only because I'm living away from home right now. She's just doing her job as a mother.


The false stories that people who are closet to me tell themselves really pains me. It's not true! The truth is often in front of us if we are willing to take off the lenses and filters over our eyes and to see things with a different perspective. OK, maybe your family isn't as peachy as mine but know that their opinion is not final or authoritative. What false stories are you telling yourself...? Please stop.