Change, Control, Comfort

I'm going through a period of change right now. If I had been paying full attention, I really shouldn't have been too surprised but now that the changes are coming into full effect, I'm starting to feel really uncomfortable. Changes at work have been happening since May of this year. For a couple of months through the summer, I actually started to believe that maybe things were starting to settle down and this would be the new culture and environment for the team. But just a month ago, another reorg occured, resulting in more changes. There was a lot of speculation about what would happen. There were a lot of 1:1 meetings where I was asked for my opinion of what I'd like to see changed. Surprisingly, my opinions and thoughts were taken into consideration by upper management. As a result, my work responsibilities are starting to change again for the better. But what I didn't ask for was a new manager and a new team. To make things apparently worse, I'm the only tester on my team that is moving over to the new team. In a way, I asked for this. Last year, I wanted to leave Auto and join a different team - almost any team - but my interviewing basic skills definitely needed some brushing up before I could do this. Now, i've been moved to a new team minus the interview! So why am I left feeling so uneasy? and unhappy?

I've been trying to reflect on why I feel this way. I feel like I have deceived myself. I told myself I wanted a new team and a new manager and therefore believed this is what I wanted. I wanted new work that would allow me more time for engineering work and less time managing an offshore team. All these things have been granted, but I'm still left feeling like the old manager was better, the old team was better, the old way was definitely better. I feel rather foolish. Is the only reason why I'm feeling the way I do because the change came at a time when I hadn't asked for it? Because it was out of my control? Or is it merely because I was starting to feel really comfortable in my job? I was just starting to build a reputation on my team as a credible (female) tester, a reliable and valuable part of the team. Coworkers on my team were starting to value my perspective, what I had to say, seriously consider my ideas and solutions. It's taken me nearly 4 years to get to this point, and now suddenly, having a new team, a new manager, would mean I'd have to do this all over again. I was just starting to get comfortable.

Sometimes I believe that God has this great sense of humour that really only He understands. I have to believe that He has everything in control even if I don't get it. Sure, the changes are difficult to accept but can I start to understand why I'm upset, what's the root issue here?

1) I was starting to rely on my own abiliities to do my job. I was starting to see my job as something I can control and have complete control over. If I work hard enough, I can get to where I am right now and people will start to respect me as a coworker. Where's the humility here?
2) I forgot the reason why God placed me here in the first place - to glorify Him, not to glorify myself.
3) Am I upset at being put on the new team because it will possibly hinder my ability to get a promotion in the future - which leads to - is my sole purpose for working on this team to achieve greater personal financial gain?

I can only conclude that the changes happening right now on my team challenged the control I thought I had over my work place and therefore made me feel really uncomfortable. I've been really wrestling with this for the past couple of weeks. I'm still not even sure if I've figured everything out. I can only say I take it one day at a time.

Also, I'm bugged by the fact that when I express dissatisfaction with my current workplace situation, common advice is to start updating the resume and finding another team to work for. Is this the typical response to bumps we encounter on the road of life? Bail out and find something else that will make us happier? I'm not sure about that.... isn't that the "grass is greener" syndrome? Even if i did find another job, another team, wouldn't that job and team have it's own challenges and workplace difficulties? maybe that's for another post\discussion.