I've finally decided it was time for me to pick up this book and read it. I've had it since Christmas but I decided to read Wild At Heart (John Eldredge) first; however, learning about the secrets of a male's soul just didn't seem to touch me on a very spiritual level (...I wonder why...). So, last night, I started reading Do You Think I'm Beautiful? (Angela Thomas) as a way to try to figure out what it is that other women struggle with and am I the only one out there that feels the way I do?
It's not that I've struggled with being beautiful because at the root of it, I don't think that's really the problem. I know I'm not beautiful so there's really no need to wonder if I am :P It's not about wanting to look beautiful or even wanting to feel beautiful but it's just the desire to feel special...to someone else. To be noticed. To be loved. Having sought after other people to fill this void, I have come to learn that it is only God who can fill that longing in my soul. Only He could be the One to love me unconditionally, to accept me with all my flaws and to forgive me when I have done something wrong. There is an excerpt from this book that touched me last night while reading in my bed...
"God, do You see me flawed and sinful and still call me beautiful? Do You see the loneliness? Do You see me struggle? Do You see the unmet desires of my heart? Do You see me trying to manipulate and control? Do You see me yearn for the things I can't have? Do You see me cry for time that is lost and the life I will not know? God, do You see me in all this mess and still think I'm beautiful?" (bolded bits were added by me)
The last question really hit me. Recently, and most of the time now, I feel a total mess; I've made tonnes of mistakes, I've wasted so much valuable time, I've made bad decisions, I've hurt other people, I've missed opportunites... the list goes on. And in this feeling of being completely undesireable and a total mess, I've also come to believe that no one could see past my mistakes and past my flaws - why open up to people when I'll just expose myself and risk being rejected and judged? Last night, this question came out to me and I realize that everyone has made mistakes and I'm not the only one that feels like she's a total mess! Even if there is no one out there who could see past my flaws, there is still God's love. And the fact that He is smitten with me... SMITTEN ... totally blows my mind. I pray that God will continue to use this book to speak to me on a very deep spiritual level. And I hope that my sharing will encourage other women to remember that they are also loved by God and that He will always always think you are beautiful.
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2 comments:
To love and win is the best. To love and lose, the next best. - Thackeray.
Amy - silly girl. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you're fishing for compliments then I guess I'll be the first to bite. I'm sure out there in God's green earth, there is someone in love with your humps, your humps, your lovely lady lumps - check em out! In all seriousness though, God made you the way you are. It's tough to remember sometimes, but the things that Man has designated as beautiful are not necessarily the things that God has designated. If you believe in your heart that you are an ugly person, than you will be an ugly person, but if you believe that Jesus loves you for you than you are beautiful. It's like you said - He is smitten with you, so take heart that the Son of Man is in-love with you. How often do people forget this fact? I don't know. God is good to those who wait and to those who trust. Trust in Him. And remember, regret makes you old and bitterness poisons the people around you. Hang in there Amy - to me you are beautiful.
Kizzle, you rock my world. Thanks so much for your comment - and NO I wasn't fishing for compliments!! :P
I'm working on the old and bitter parts - takes some time but I'm working on it :)
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